Role play but not in that way!

So we all know that I’m a penniless actress, that is absolutely no secret. I don’t have a pot to piss in and I work pretty much 7 days a week. Like I’m super confused that I have no idea where my money goes and I can assure you I’m not having drink at the Shard every night. Okay so this isn’t a post where I’m going to tell you 10 top tips on how to save your money but if any of you can tell ME 10 top tips on how to save MY money I’d bloody love that! I’m sure Tip 1 would be don’t live in London. Lets all just take a minute silence for me to wallow in my own self-pity.

 (Also I hate that I can never spell ‘minute’bloody dyslexic)

 This blog should really be called ‘A very good Complainer’ honestly though I live in this beautiful city with something to do 24/7 I honestly think if I had all the money in the world I could spend a few HUNDRED-thousand in a few seconds.

 I have champagne taste on a tap water budget. Is it twisted that sometimes I like to pretend that I’m rich? Like I actually go out of my way to pretend I’m rich. Seriously wait! Hear me out!

I’ve always thought it’s so fucked up when you see celebrities who have shit tones of money getting free stuff sent to them all the time. I mean that’s great. Congrats. I’m sure you really, really couldn’t afford that benefit mascara, that Chanel bag and that trip to Bali in a 5* resort. High five. Insert GIF here >

I’m over here working 4 jobs, amounting to nothing, not an audition in sight so why the bloody hell are you not giving free stuff to people like me? Who actually bloody need it? Who would actually fucking appreciate it?

 So back to pretending I’m rich.

 I was walking around (a well known department store) looking at all the perfumes /spraying myself with all of them to make my sad, sorry little life seem a bit better, and this shop assistant came over to me and asked me if I needed any help…. I found myself speaking in this frightfully posh accent. “Yes, you see one is just looking for one’s Christmas present!” A confused expression came across my face. That’s it you’ve done it! You’ve cracked! You’ve actually gone fucking mental!. “One is not just looking for one’s self, one is looking for all my family” The poor bloody guy actually took me seriously, he had no clue that I am this loopy Welsh girl, whose vommed on the streets of Cardiff after a night out one too many times.

 He showed me all the perfume taking me around one by one, clinging on to the hope that I was going to make his day and buy one of EVERYTHING. The lie was getting more extravagant. My accent was getting more high-pitched less ‘Dowton Abbey’ upstairs and more ‘The Crown’. The rest of the shop assistant’s ears perked up, they were fluttering around me like flies on shit. I was demanding they show me gift sets, talking about ‘When daddy gets back from Cannes’, Talking about my pretend pony Flash! My point is they were spritzing me, fanning me, laughing at my pathetic jokes showering me with free samples. Freeeeeee Samples.

It was like keeping it up with the Kardashians minus the sex tape.

 Ladies and Gentlemen. Maybe I’m not that mentally unhinged. Maybe, just Maybe pretending you’re really wealthy is the pick me up one needs on the weekly.

 Next stop Tiffanys.


A very good Waitress



Ambiguous loss.

Do you ever look back on your life and think where the fuck did it all go wrong?!

I do, all the time. Self critical? Possibly or maybe I’m just sensitive behind this hard faced exterior.

I know people advise you to look forward and not look back but what about the things that you have invested in like careers, friendships, family? The things that have become an integral part of you and with out rhyme or reason have been stripped away and yet you have no idea why!

I think we can all relate to a friendship breakdown. Sometimes they are easy and at times you’re like ‘yes I know why we can’t be friends Linda because you’re a shady person who has done shady things! But what about a friendship breakup that is one sided? One where you can’t get your head around why the other party has left you stranded in this island of loners with nothing but a gallon of wine and Christmas size bar of galaxy to wreck your life even more, because to top it off you have consumed the whole thing in one sitting.

What about that?! How do you get over that ?!

Friendships are this fucked up thing. You have your tribe, the group that are always there to protect you no matter what. Your ‘loyal band of followers’ but sometimes you meet a certain someone who appears into your life like God has given you a gift.  Their soul connect with yours on so many levels and you feel at one with them, comfortable enough that you can bare your soul and if you dared to commit murder they will help you dispose of the body! That kind of friendship.

Two years ago I found that kind of friendship, the Lucy to my Ethel, the Ben to my Jerry. The Harry, Hermione and Ron to my Hogwarts. The ab to my fab.

But two years later this bond, those memories, that friendship that I valued so much dispersed into nothingness! Finito!

I ask you all how do you deal with a friendship breakdown? Do you go on pretending you’re fine? Do you wait a year and see if it can rekindle? Do you say fuck it your loss? Or do you write a blog post and hope that they might read it and know how much they meant to you?!

This is the thing.  Friendships are like relationships without the sex, the family you actual like! It is a massive thing as you share so much time together so …

Dear friend,

‘We’re all travelling through time together every day of our lives. All we can do is do our best to relish this remarkable ride.’ And that’s what we did, we laughed, we cried, we gossiped, we experienced, we shared, we ate, we drank, we laughed some more, we ate some more, we lost, we won, we shone, we grew, we learnt, we lied, we loved, we entrusted, we made each other better people, we gave, we took, we danced, I’m pretty sure you even made me wee myself once.

Losing you was like grieving, a bereavement. This sadness that took over but something I didn’t quite understand. This unrequited love that left me bamboozled as to why?

There are stages to grieving, denial, anger, depression, bargaining, acceptance.  I’m not sure what stage I am at currently. Between the anger and the depression yet everyday I want to bargain with you and not accept acceptance.

Communication it’s the key to things failing, yet I have no idea how to get back to where we were? We would talk for hours, sit in comfortable silence and read each other’s minds with the a flicker of an eye. But now being around each other is awkward. Like we are strangers and have never laughed or danced or cried.  Like our bond is trapped in this cage and it’s screaming to get out but our stubbornness and egos won’t allow it.

When we speak sometimes we see a glimmer of that spark we both had and we brush it aside with embarrassment. When all I want to do is illuminate the spark and set off fireworks to show the world I care.  But it’s not like that anymore.

Pointing fingers and using others as cranes to make our divide bigger is a tactic we both despise yet we are falling into this trap goaded by the people around us yet we have to ask ourselves who was actually willing to bring us back together?

There have been times since you’ve been gone that I needed you, and times that you needed me no doubt. I went through a death, an embarrassing moment, a memory that reminded me of you! But what of that?!

Dear friend,

I apologise to you for not trying more, it’s not like me to give up.

I apologise for the hours we have spent apart and the time you may have needed me and I haven’t been there even though I wanted to. I apologise for not communicating and nipping it in the bud and us joining in a united front to knock down the negativity of outsiders. I’ve always wanted the best for you, you deserve the best! And if for you that’s not me, I’m okay with that!

I will always be here to pick you up when you’re down, to laugh, to dance, to smile, to listen, when you need me.  If you need me.


But as much as I’d love to turn back the clock ‘All the time travel in the world can’t make someone love you.’

With love from

A very good waitress


Absolutely categorically no sex in the bloody city.

London is one of the loneliest cities in the UK. Luckily for me after studying in London and because a few of my girls have moved to London, my social schedule is actually not looking that bare.

 But I’m not talking about my friendship status, I’m talking about that dreaded thing that people remind me of on a day to day basis, that thing that changes Christmas, birthdays, holidays, a trip to Nandos! Your relationship status and I’m more plain chicken rather than extra hot piri piri sauce if you get my drift.

 For all of you wondering I am 100 percent straight. I’ve thought about maybe batting for the other team after failed relationships, thinking maybe it would be easier dating a woman. Maybe I’d have more of an insight into what they want or what I’m doing wrong, but it simply comes down to one factor; I’m not interested.

I love the c**k (to put it bluntly).

 Many factors come down to why I’m single like most women out there. I’ve had many relationships but I just think that maybe I’m a little too much like hard work. I’m most definitely not perfect I can assure you. (This is the paragraph where I show you it’s actually okay to be self-critical and I’m adult enough to openly admit that I am a bit of a wanker sometimes. Sometimes) but guys I’m also a catch (I don’t want to scare everyone off.)

 Off topic but I watched Bridget Jones when I was younger and thought fucking hell that’s a bit far-fetched. No, no, no I take it back. Bridget I feel you babes!

 There is always that one relationship that fucks you up for life. I had that relationship quite early on so I do feel like maybe I was at a slight disadvantage from the offset. But putting that massive irritant to a side, I do look back on my life and think how much can I actually blame him for all my other failed relationships?

 I mean I definitely put a wall up and stop people getting close to me, which I think is probably impossible when trying to convince someone that they should invest the rest of their life with you. Also I find that the one thing that tends to get you the ‘D’ is going on dates! Which I seem to find an impossible task.

 You have these apps, Tinder, Bumble, with all these boys on tap where you can be like “hey I’m over here shooting fireworks from my arse hole trying to draw attention to the fact that I’m possibly worth it”

 But the problem with these apps is I tend to have this magnetic drawstring that seems to say to all the psychos/slightly pervy/possible next generation murderers ‘I’m over here and I’m wiling to die’. It would be like ‘Taken 4’ except that I don’t have Liam Neeson as my dad.

 When you’re married there will be a day when you look back on your life weighed down by that ball and chain and think why didn’t I have that date with Gary, aged 25, who likes long walks, socialising with his friends and has a cat as his display picture? Okay now I’m babbling.

 After my last EX I developed the unwanted disease, that thing that no one wants, and no I’m not talking about the clap, I’m talking about something much worse. Something soul destroying. He-that-shall-not-be-named.

 I have Developed The Cock Fright.

 I feel like if you Google this it is actually a thing. I know I have to break this stigma. I know that the fright should be no more. I’m thinking maybe hypnotherapy, rescue remedies, leeches … all suggestions are most certainly welcome…

 It comes down to the fact that I need to gather up my invisible balls and just embrace the fact that I need to go on a date. I need to do my best to not be socially awkward, control my nervous/ verbal diarrhea, and my nervous consumption of alcohol which makes me chant like a rugby player at a six nations match, and show that I’m super cool, interesting and intelligent and worth another date and actually enjoy it.

I will embrace the Tinder, The Bumble, The plenty of Fucking fish and I will expelliarmus my cock fright like a Donald Trump threat to North Korea.

Stay Tuned.

A Very good Waitress.


Moments on the tube.

Do you know what the most looked at thing on the tube is?! Most people say the tube maps, the advertising, the free papers. I read this wonderful story about a woman who fell in love with a man on the tube, this unrequited love for months and months because his head was buried in a book and he never looked up. This love story touched my soul whilst my head was buried in the paper.


Looking up from the paper I decided to look around, glancing at the People before me. Each human unknown to me yet they spoke of stories that lay behind each of their eyes. They say that the strangers you’ve dreamed about are actually people that you’ve walked past in the street. Your mind absorbs these faces and stores them in a Pandoras box in your head that then releases them through the electrons through your nerves in your brain and into your dreams. Isn’t that a glorious thought?!

Every day now my eyes are drawn to the people around me on the tube. I’m consumed during these darkest times that during my travels it maybe my last. So I look at each individual around me and think about their stories, I map their lives out in my head taking evidence from their person to put together the pieces of jigsaw that makes them who they are. If I’m traveling and suddenly it ends I want to see the souls of each individual around me. Is that a fucked up thought? The wedding bands glistening on their hands making my mind flutter to the happiest days of their life. The books they read tell tales about their person, their occupation suggested by the crisp suits freshly pressed for the working day.22643263_10214870780268078_439548215_o

The generations before them that have fought wars, traveled here on boats, died so they can have the right to vote, these people that changed the world so generations to come had a better future. Different cultures and religions that tie us all together because the point is that we all believe.

Do you know what the most looked at thing on the tube is?!

                     It’s people’s shoes.



How to make ‘a house a home’ 101

This blog post is a little different (It can’t be all embarrassing stories and feminist statements). This post is more of a self-help blog for people trying to make a shit-hole into a home. I know that most people living in London have to pay a fortune for something that doesn’t look dissimilar to a crack den and that also tends to be the case with student accommodation. In some circumstances I may need to tackle ‘how to turn Harry Potters cupboard under the stairs into a bachelor pad 101’.

I want to give you my 7 Top Tips that I think will help without having to break the bank. Okay I know these posts can be a bit, ‘oh well that’s okay for you to say, but I don’t have these things laying around and I don’t have the time or money to do that Blah! Blah! Blah! Listen I get it! I know! I feel your pain! But if you can take anything from this post I feel like I have done my job. This may feel a little like ‘paint by numbers’, but it’s actually amazing what a trip to a charity shop and Primark can do.

‘My mum always said to me you can wear a cheap outfit as long as you team it up with expensive accessories.’ This is actually really good advice guys. I know some of you are probably thinking WTF but honestly, fashion and interior design is all a smoke screen – it’s all fur coat and no knickers. You can wear what you like no matter the price tag as long as it looks ‘on trend’ and has an ounce of glamour. This is the same with your flat. Don’t let the Flat Goblins drag you down.22643248_10214857063245161_327476521_o

Here are my 7 Tips:


Vogue is your bible. Anna Wintour is God and Edward Enninful is the new Messiah (watch out for his debut edition of December’s British Vogue (out on November 10th). Look, read and digest Pinterest, Instagram and find your vibe, exercise your flair. Elle Decoration and Wallpaper are the go to Interiors mags that are full of aspirational homes that can become the stage sets to your lives. Look at the space you are moving into and think about the light entering the room, the plain walls you want to fill or repaint and the horrid bits of furniture you need to cover or remaster. This is all a part of the first stages when moving into a property. Start with the living space and the rest will fall in line.

When looking at my flat I was stuck between my ‘Three go to vibes.’ These are the holy grail of Decorating they are classics and you can’t go wrong, but you have to fully commit. These Trends are rocking 2017 and swinging firmly into 2018.

-The sleek Grey, with hits of rose gold.

-The standard Monochrome (Black and white with a hint of pale pink or Gold )

– Liberty florals, deep greens, Parisian Vibes with a hint of Gold.

Boys you too can use all of these themes and make an excellent shag pad. Start with a mood board of images and define your trend and colour story and stick to it! Do not wander ‘off piste’ as you will lose the impact and things will become a mish-mash and will start to look like a dinner made of left-overs from the fridge.


Raid everything! Look at what you have lying around, in your family’s houses, on the streets outside, skips, the dump. Stuff people don’t want but that have potential for an upcycling project. Don’t be clouded by peoples’ bad taste as a lick of paint goes a long way I promise. In my new flat, I found in the attic –

An Old Turkish Rug

Random Floor Lamps

And some Arty Farty Posters from the 80’s that I knew would bring it all together.

This gave me the basis to think ‘okay what vibe shall I go for?’

I went for The Parisian Boudoir look.  The key to playing around with deep colours like mine with an old fashioned feel is to always lift them with things that give an on trend modern aspect such as skulls (less Halloween more Frida Kahlo), Pineapples, Palm trees, metallic, sequins – all these things pull it together.


Three is simple,

22563725_10214857061285112_1916097354_o.jpgcover what is vile. We have this massive modular corner sofa in my living room that is really comfy but happens to be the shade of dog shite so there was only one thing to do! Cover it! I bought throws big enough to cover each section of the sofa, keeping to the colour pallete of course, yet mixing up the texture, giving the seating area a playful patchwork feel and reviving it whilst making it the main feature of the living room! Add contrasting and miss matched cushions that echoed the prints for the wall and wallah!


Mirrors are life. Not only to look at yourself in and check out your booty, they bounce light back through a room and they reflect the space to make things …. BIGGGGGGERRRR. I honestly think that mirrors step up your interior game to the next level and I know that mirrors sometimes are a big spend, yet there are so many online stores, mirror warehouses to pick up bargains and you can always find them in charity shops and the dump. Try checking out Gumtree as peeps often move house and don’t have wall space to fit that big mirror. You may need to upcycle and sometimes they just need a lick of paint around the rim (filthy minded). I’d suggest picking a neutral colour but you could go for a zingy undercoat painted over and use sand-paper to rub off sections to reveal and give a distressed look. Try Annie Sloane paints with a wax rub or a touch up of gold or bronze for a metallic rim. I think that a strong contrast to the walls always looks the best and gives it the statement piece look you need to be going for.

For all of you wondering, my mirror was an investment I made 4 years ago. It is a vintage mirror £500 down to £100 because a piece of plaster on the top had fallen off, completely un noticeable yet saved me a fortune. Don’t be afraid to haggle!22643003_10214857063005155_2030089755_o



A good coffee table is a must. As much as you want your pad to look pretty slick, it is still your living room. You have to be practical as well as stylish. Our living room is quite a large space and the sofa was a very bulky feature, so we needed to balance that out and the table had to serve everyone no matter where they sat around the ‘U’ shaped seating area. I was cautious that everything in the space was going to be on ‘the heavy side’ but a normal sized coffee table was just going to be swallowed in the space. Eventually after scouring Gumtree and other free ads we found this square coffee table with amazing storage and a glass top feature in the reduced section in Ikea (because it had been used as a display piece). I did give it a lick of paint (Annie Sloane) opting for a deep duck egg blue to lift the colour of the room. Guys spend time and find the right table for the space, it’s a must!


The Devil is in the Detail. Candles are great for creating ambience and controlling atmosphere. I tend to go for the Calvin Klein candles – you can get them in TKMaxx on the cheap and they smell amazing and last a long time. Ornaments create points of focus and help to define your theme. I picked up the Gold Pineapple book ends from Dunelm Mills (the sort of place your Granny would shop I know yet full of bargains and great stylish pieces if you look carefully and pick wisely) and candle sticks from Next. Pillows…. Lots of pillows (I’m obsessed) you can get them so cheap, or you can make your own, I find a great tip is to pick out the more hidden colours within your palletes that stand out as a contrast feature and really make them pop. I bought my main lightshade and my mini lampshade from Ikea. They are laser cut with shapes and have a contrasting glowing bronze interior and bounce the lights around the room when switched on. They are available in a number of different sizes and four different colours and they are a life changer. Not only do they look expensive AF but they are so on trend and atmospheric when the lights are on. Flowers are another good way to pick up on the colour theme and add opulence to the room. I know this can be a daunting prospect especially for the male readers but at this point you can always opt out! But I think it really finishes a room and as much as I’d love to be hitting Cumbria market every Sunday those pounds mount up and the flowers die so a one off price at Ikea and you have flowers for life and always in season.22563862_10214857061605120_1012076662_o-2.jpg


Artwork is your creative statement. The choice of artwork says a lot about who you are and can be a talking point for your guests. The chances of owning a Matisse or a Picasso is unlikely unless you have struck gold at the car boot but you would probably have gone straight on ‘cash in the attic’ and booked that holiday in the Bahamas with the proceeds. Museum prints can be a cost effective way of owning art on the cheap and taking home a piece of that amazing exhibition that you saw at Tate Modern. I raided my parents attic and although disappointed that I didn’t find that ‘old master’ that I’d hoped for but instead I found discarded prints from the 70;s and 80’s that my parents had bought in MOMA, New York. The secret is in the framing. The choice of mount and frame can make all the difference to the print and can tie it into the surrounding space. Never, ever hang your pictures too high! This is a big mistake. Plan in advance where the pictures will hang, the space between the pictures is an important consideration. If you are hanging several pictures in the same room and the large frames are various sizes make sure that either the tops or the bottoms of the paintings are at the same level. I chose to level the bottom of the pictures as they sat above the horizontal lines of the settee. If you have small pictures grouping them together is a must. Either decide to group them in tiles with equal spacing or patch them together at different levels. 22635080_10214857062165134_1862790745_n

Once the hard work is complete you can turn on the lights, light the scented candles, pour a glass of wine and impress your guests in a relaxing environment straight out of Elle Decoration.



I have so much to say about the Harvey Weinstein situation.

My heart goes out to all the women who have been affected by people of power who think it is okay to exploit them because of the control they have in their industry, actors have a difficult enough task as it is and I understand the feeling of being so close to your dream and doing all you can to protect it. He is a disgrace!

I think people are foolish to think he is the only one in Hollywood or the British industry using their power to exploit women. Also this is happening time and time again in our industry not just sexual assault or inappropriate remarks towards women, but by the way women are treated and seen in our industry as a whole.

The sexualisation of women. The fact women are paid less. the fact that men have more roles to play in this industry. The fact women’s roles are stereotyped and the fact writers need to support and write more for women. The fact that women are so highly judged on the way they look because the industry deems us all to look a certain way, when we are here to depict REAL stories REAL situations REAL people ( and guess what we come in all different shapes and sizes) The fact that the industry treat women with an expiration date. Even down to the injustice and inequality within drama schools, and the experience I have gone through, to every last eye roll when I spoke simply because I was a woman and people thought that I shouldn’t have a fucking opinion.

I have a lot to say about the Harvey Weinstein situation and it is in that every little comment, every undermining remark, every patronising statement, every Fucking eye roll, every sexual advance, every time you stand there and witness these things happening to women or a MAN in our industry and don’t defend them, every time you think you are better than your female colleagues you are sadly fucking mistaken. But It WILL be spoken about. People WILL come forward. And in Harvey Weinstein case it WILL bite you on your ugly fat arse!

Chocolate, wine and the lack of sex in the city.

So, I thought the beginning would be the best place to start. I will give you a little run down on my life as a 24 year old crazy cat lady without a cat and the trials and tribulations which have brought me to the city.

Three years of blood, sweat and tears in drama school preparing for the world of acting and reminding you on a day to day basis that talent will not get you through it and the Welsh are actually not that ‘on trend’ at the moment. This left me graduating with a First and moving from ‘the outskirts of London’ to right bang smack in the centre, pretending that I can afford my rent. Forced to working 7 days a week doing various flexible, slightly shit jobs because you need to be able to take the next day off when that/ if that important audition finally comes through. This is London and hundreds of Dancers, Actors , Musical Theatre, Musicians, Song Writers, Drag Acts, the list goes on and on, are all doing the same thing so how hard can it actually be?

* she sighs *

Okay so it’s really actually quite fucking difficult and also slightly depressing, but it’s fine and ‘where there’s a will there’s a way’.

So  back to it. I am finally living in the city,  and I know that this is going to be one hell of a story! Living in Oval is interesting!

Week one (during the Tour de France that I experience every morning) I almost got run over by a cyclist.

Week two I went to check out the local A&E in the nearest hospital.

Week three I saw a squirrel eating a chicken nugget.

So yeh! I feel like it’s going pretty well at the moment. I’m living with two other actors, a vegan a vegetarian and I’m  gluten free so meal time at our house is as excitingas a busy restaurant kitchen. The one thing that we do have in common is the copious amount of wine we drink and the family size bar of chocolate they watch me get through on the nightly and the lack of men in our lives but enough of that for now. I need to save that for it’s own blog post.

London does take time to get used to. You have to kind of adjust to the fact that people are not going to be nice to you, and the world is speeding past you at 10000000000 miles per hour < pinch of salt. But the bright lights, the buzz in the streets, Uber, Deliveroo and of course the diverse, cultured and savvy people you meet everyday makes everything worth it.

So I work for various promotion agencies promoting brands for fragrance, so I finally got to live my dream as a spritzer girl, in various massive department stores on Oxford Street, the novelty most definitely wore off quite quickly, yet on a plus side I love spending money so I find it quite easy convincing other people to spend theirs.

I would actually just like to give a massive shout out to all the counter girls out there because wearing a full face of makeup everyday and wearing heels for 8-10 hours straight is actually a skill that should be rewarded I’m talking pay rise … or  OBE … sign my petition here….

Also my other job is working for a well known tourist attraction in London where they make famous people out of wax. I spend most of my day dressed up as a Jedi warrior from Star Wars ( may the force be with you) or acting out various characters and then capturing the moment by taking photos of members of the public. Just to make things very clear I have no idea how to use the camera. The first week I was chopping off peoples’ heads, and also I know nothing about Star Wars and I spent the first week calling Yoda – Yogi, and calling a Lightsaber a Sword, but that’s what its all about right?! this is the authentic life of an Actors. First the struggle and then a big shot movie producer is going to be like ” you, you over there dressed like a Jedi in Star Wars I want you to be in my next major movie.” as you can see I have thought about this way too much.

As much as I say this with jest, it is really difficult following your dream in the most expensive city in the UK and doing all you can to be an actor and make a change in the world but have the constant feeling like your failing 24/7. These are the things that we are battling through every day, we are thick skinned and the best inspirational speakers because fuck me we have to pep talk ourselves every single day. I know using the line ‘I was born to do this’ is very 2008 X Factor tag line, but I honestly can’t see myself doing anything else. I always address myself as an “Actor, i.e A very good waitress” , to bring humour to the situation. To put a defence wall around my dream. To hide it from the judging eye, thats why I named my blog the very same thing but here’s to a new start, breaking down those walls and showing the world what it is really like to be a young woman living in the city of stars.

This is the Beginning.

A Very Good Waitress